Monday, February 4, 2019

Another time waster for a lot of non-ADD partners is: Knocking on the bathroom door telling their partner that it’s time to get out of the shower


One of my safe places with my husband is not only inn his arms, but holding onto his upper arm is also my safe zone with him. When we are out and about I love holding my husbands hand but there are just times that I just need my safe zone even though I feel completely safe with where we are. It is just a woman thing I guess. Between all the females I know and the ones I have read about all say we can't stand the way men do things inside the home. It's not that they suck at it nearly, it's just the kind of jobs they do at it. Most wives and mothers like not just everyday life to be struggle free, organized, clean, proper, but our homes functioning's too. Men think they understand this and say they want the same. But studies have found that 99% of wives say as we are here. I am not going to lie, I have seen professionals and was told I do have slight OCD, but in the way that most people with OCD are. There is no nitpicking, but rather an eye for detail per-say. I am not picky that the towels are perfectly folded, or that the toilet paper is exactly straight that is hanging in the roll in the bathroom. No, I am not like that at all. But when I was shown 3 circles, and other things by the professionals in early 2017 I was able to pick right away what ones were different and how.

I was told that I have great eye for detail and that is how I go about my surroundings too, whether home or in public, or work, and more. Did it ever drive me nuts how my husband would fold clothes, hand clothes, fold towels and rags, ect? Yes it did. But that dropped down fast even before I knew about his ADD/ADHD especially the way I know it know. But even before it was strongly recognized. The reason it didn't bother me any longer was simply this.
I thought to myself; He doesn't fold them as I do and that is totally ok! at least he is folding them, and that's all that matters. The same thing goes for other things he does around the house. Not just the typical man job as thousands out there refer to it as, but also the ADD/ADHD ways that many others with an ADD/ADHD partner says just as we are here, too. In our home we don't use the toxic and deadly chemicals as cleaners as they had been used in the past and almost killed 2 children and did kill some of our pets. These had been the typical cleaning chemicals most homes these days have.....& think outside of the box and stop being a sheeple because "they are called chemicals for a reason folks."  The Medical staff's said to never allow such use, and said it is the cause for one of my children's breathing issues as chemical cleaners are permanent life time injuries and also cause cancer, too. I also worked for a professional cleaning company Healthy Clean who made us take tests from the FDA on the dangers and harms of home chemical cleaning supplies. Whoever passed their tests had been hired on, & whoever didn't was turned around and sent out the door. I worked for them for years and I loved it.

Cleaning products can release a plethora of chemicals into the air, i

Cleaners cause asthma and cancer:

Click HERE to read the dangers.

Scroll that page, read it. The Dr's years ago sent me to these pages after they told me (in 2008) to STOP using chemical cleaners.

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TALKS ABOUT,

The effects of these chemicals than adults: Studies have shown that infants exposed in the womb to cleaning products used by their mothers may suffer lower birth weight, lower IQ, and wheezing and respiratory symptoms that may persist throughout childhood.

Health Concerns

Many cleaning products, including spray cleaners and disinfecting wipes, contain asthmagens—chemicals that can either worsen asthma or cause asthma in someone who never previously had it. Studies show that using traditional cleaning sprays as rarely as once a week can increase your risk of developing adult-onset asthma. Common asthmagens and respiratory irritants in cleaning products include quats, ethanolamines, glutaral and sodium hypochlorite (chlorine bleach).
 Other ingredients and impurities frequently found in cleaning products have been linked to cancer. All-purpose products and dish and laundry detergents often use ethoxlated surfactants for soil removal. These chemicals may contain carcinogenic impurities, such as 1,4-dioxane and ethylene oxide. Some products contain volatile organic compounds, or VOCs, that can come from botanical oils and extracts. A group of VOCs, called terpenes, can react with ozone indoors to form formaldehyde, a known human carcinogen. Preservatives that release formaldehyde are also commonly added to multi-use products.
Use EWG’s Guide to Healthy Cleaning to find products without troubling ingredients.

Environmental Concerns

Many cleaning chemicals are not only harmful to human health, but also put animals and the environment at risk. This includes triclosan, an ingredient approved for use in floor waxes and sealers, as well as many cleaning supplies, like sponges and reusable household wipes. Although the market has started to shift away from using triclosan, the troubling ingredient may still be found in older dishwashing liquids still on store shelves.

 Triclosan is not fully removed by wastewater treatment and can harm aquatic animals like fish and frogs as it is discharged and persists in waterways. The chemical can also breakdown to form toxic, carcinogenic substances, like dioxins and chloroform. Scientists are also concerned about triclosan’s contribution to growing bacterial resistance.

Triclosan Health Effects

The antibacterial compound Triclosan has been linked to numerous human health problems. Exposures come mainly by absorption through the skin or through the lining of the mouth. These exposures have resulted in contact dermatitis, or skin irritation, and an increase in allergic reactions, especially in children.


Go HERE to read more, By: beyondpesticides.org


Talks about,



While products with this antibacterial agent claim to promote good health, these claims are indeed misleading. Triclosan does not provide any additional health benefits to the consumer, but it does pose risks to human health, most of which remain unknown.


Chemicals (CDC, 2009, 2010)

Evidence of endocrine disruption



 Triclosan is a potent inhibitor of estradiol and estrone sulfonation in sheep placenta (Environ Int. 2010)
  • Some flame retardants and the antimicrobials Triclosan and triclocarban enhance the androgenic activity in vitro (Chemosphere. 2010)
  • Triclosan Exposure Modulates Estrogen-Dependent Responses in the Female Wistar Rat (Toxicol. Sci. 2010)
  • Short-term Exposure to Triclosan Decreases Thyroxine In Vivo via Upregulation of Hepatic Catabolism in Young Long-Evans Rats (Toxicol. Sci. 2010)
  • Alteration of testicular steroidogenesis and histopathology of reproductive system in male rats treated with Triclosan (Reprod Toxicol. 2009 )
  • Estrogenic and androgenic activity of Triclosan in breast cancer cells (Journal of Applied Toxicology, 2007)
  • Short-term in vivo exposure to the water contaminant Triclosan: Evidence for disruption of thyroxine (Environmental Toxicology and Pharmacology, 2007)
  • Environmental oestrogens, cosmetics and breast cancer (Best Practice & Research Clinical Endocrinology & Metabolism, 2006)
  • The effects of Triclosan on puberty and thyroid hormones in male wistar rats (Toxicological Sciences, 2008)
    • Other Health Effects:
    • Determination of Parabens and Triclosan in Indoor Dust Using Matrix Solid-Phase Dispersion and Gas Chromatography with Tandem Mass Spectrometry (Analytical Chemistry,2007)
    • Effect of Triclosan (TRN) on energy-linked functions of rat liver mitochondria (Tox. Letters, 2005)
    • Early-life exposure to antibacterials…(Clinical and Experimental Allergy, 2003)
    • Antibacterial Household Products: Cause for Concern (Emerging Infectious Disease, 2001)
    • Allergic contact dermatitis from Triclosan in antibacterial handwashes (Contact Dermatitis, 2001)


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    It is sad to know that most American's don't know about so much. Drinks, Foods, Personal Care, Shampoos ect, Toothpastes, Deodorants, Soaps, and many, many, many, more common house hold items that are killing your children, pets, and you. 


    So why are most people un-aware of this? We will tell you why. They want to make money off of you. You're nothing to them but $$$$$$$, so are your kids and you pets. They could care less if it cause your infant child because you as the consumer have lack of knowledge it actually becomes legally your fault for not only not listening to the WARNINGS and ingredients, but the lack of being educated.

    The definition of chemical is: 

    chem·i·cal

    Dictionary result for chemical

    /ˈkemək(ə)l/
    adjective
    1. 1.
      relating to chemistry, or the interactions of substances as studied in chemistry.
      "the chemical composition of the atmosphere"
    noun
    1. 1.
      a compound or substance that has been purified or prepared, especially artificially.
      "never mix disinfectant with other chemicals"




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    So why would people use this? And why would we support such criminals?
    I no longer work for the company, and am the Home Maker, Wife, Mom, at home.

    There are always going to be things we clash with our partners one for some reason or another. If we didn't life would be more so of boring, chaos, dysfunctional, in the ADD/ADHD life. AS the Non-ADD/ADHD spouse, we work hard to keeping ourselves strong mentally. We have a big and hard life that only other Non-ADD/ADHD partners can truly understand the day-to-day life of it. It never just as it seems because living in a home with it is by fare different then the outsiders THINK they know about it. We have to be the one who keeps thing organized, clean, functional, making appointments for the kids and ADD/ADHD partner, giving RX that Dr gave, budgeting, and literally everything.....even the every day to day small things, because in an ADD/ADHD home those things are big things and they too can turn into chaos and dysfunction FAST. 



    By Mike Fedel says: 


    Attitude: Think of ADHD as a Cultural Difference That Will Always Exist 

    We’ve had a few international members and couples from many different types of families. Some cultures have stricter expectations about the roles of husbands and wives. Families have different views about “appropriate” behavior. When you marry your partner, you marry their upbringing too. Everyone must adjust.

    Some members compared that with adjustments they’ve made to live with their ADHD partner. It’s a useful model. It helps us stop asking who’s right or wrong. They aren’t right or wrong. They are different. And they will always be with us. These aren’t things to “fix.” You must integrate them into the relationship.

    Thinking of these as cultural differences lets you feel less offended. The behaviors aren’t directed at you. It’s not that he doesn’t love you or doesn’t care. He grew up in a different world, with a different frame of reference.


    Action: Boundaries, Part 1 – Set Them and Keep Them

    You’ve heard it a million times but what does it mean? And, does it work? There are good books, podcasts, and videos about setting boundaries. Instead of talking about it, I’ll share some of our members stories. Let’s look at boundaries they set and the impact it had: 
    • Kaye’s husband had problems with his headset. It made it hard for her to understand him when he called. Finally, she told him that instead of repeating that she couldn’t hear him, she would hang up. He should call from another phone or text instead. It worked. He took care of the problem. No fighting or threats. A firm boundary. 
    • Several members talked about their partners making them late for events. In Angela’s case, her (ADHD) husband was the one who cared if they were late, but he relied on her to push him out the door on time.  When she said she wasn’t going to do that anymore, he complained and argued but she stood her ground. He stepped up and took responsibility for making sure they were on time. 
      A few others said they were quitting the Timekeeper job, too. With mixed results. In some cases, the husband stepped up and paid more attention. In others, though, they’re still arriving late, but have let go of feeling responsible.



      Action: Boundaries, Part 2 – Establish Some BASELINE Rules 
      This is another way of setting boundaries. Be clear. Be consistent. Members have had success when they used some of the following:


      • You can’t be rude to people and blame it on your ADHD. If you do something impulsive and it has an impact – own up to it and apologize. 
      • Please refrain from using the words “I promise I will…” We both know the odds are you’ll slip up at some point. Then, you’ll feel bad, guilty and ashamed, and I’ll feel angry. Say something more like “I’ll commit not to do X for the next six weeks” and revisit it then. Or “If I do Y again, you have my permission to call me on it.” And DO call them on it.

      • When you say things like, “Let’s do a movie this weekend”, it’s not a commitment. It’s only a commitment if you put it in the calendar. And don’t put it in the calendar unless you’re committed.

      • If things are getting too heated, have a code word that means “let’s not have this fight right now, let’s talk about it later.” (More on this below.)
      • I am not your alarm clock or your calendar. If you have to be somewhere, it’s up to you to get there.

      • When you’re talking to me, please talk to me like there’s another person in the room listening. You treat me better when there’s someone else who might hear what you say.  
      Would any of these be helpful for you? 





      -By Mike Fedel says: 

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      As the non-ADD/ADHD partner your probably nodding your head und and down with you have that little that in your head that says: I KNOW EXACTLY HOW THIS FEELS. 




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      Don't tell her it's time to get out of the shower
      By:       David D. Nowell Ph.D.

      Another time waster for a lot of non-ADD partners is knocking on the bathroom door, telling their partner that it’s time to get out of the shower. When your ADD partner is in the shower and soaking in all this awesome sensory information - the warm water, the smell of the soap – she may lose track of something as abstract as time.

      One strategy for managing this problem is a device called the Shower Coach. Essentially a sand timer which attaches to the shower wall, providing a visual notification that time is passing. The intent of this strategy is for the ADD partner to be independent for timing her shower.

      Another strategy for managing the duration of a shower is to develop a Spotify playlist on your phone. Just a couple of three songs, enough for a 5-10 minute shower, and you know that at the end of the first song you have enough time for a shampoo and at the close of the second song it’s time to be wrapping it up, and rinsing your hair.


      Tip #2: Let your ADD partner tackle clearly-defined and time-limited household projects while you take on longer-term detailed-oriented tasks.

      When we’re presented with a sink full of dishes it’s pretty clear what needs to be done. How do you know when the job is complete? When you can see the bottom of the sink. This is an example of a domestic task which an individual with executive dysfunction and disorganization can manage. On the other hand, he may find it more difficult to tackle tasks like managing longer-term financial investments and keeping up with the bills. It’s not exactly clear when you need to start these chores and when the task is done. So when you’re dividing tasks, let your ADD partner tackle the defined, time limited projects that happen on a daily basis. Folding laundry, walking the dogs, and loading the dish-washer, for example.  And you take on the longer term, detail oriented tasks.



      Tip #3:Ask your ADHD partner for what you want.

      Use behavioral terms, and be specific, asking in advance for what you want. Describe what success would look like for you.

      “Honey we’ve got a big anniversary coming up this weekend and here is what Id like:  I want us to be home by five-thirty. I want us to have a quick, pleasant conversation about our day with empty hands, phones in pockets. Then I want us so to be in the car in time to get to the restaurant for a seven-thirty dinner reservation.”

      If you ask for what you want in a relationship, does it guarantee that you’ll get it? Obviously not .. the intent of this tip is to identify what success would look like for you, to plainly “put it out there”, and to give him a fighting chance to demonstrate that behavior.



      Take a moment from time to time in the middle of your frustration to remember what drew you to your partner.

      So let me summarize. For the non-ADD partner in this relationship

      • Don’t do something for your ADD partner that a device or an application could manage.
      • Let your ADD partner tadkle the defined, time-limited projects and you can take on the longer-term detail oriented tasks.
      • Ask for what you want in advance, using behavioral language.
      • And remember what drew you to your partner in the first place.




      By: David D. Nowell Ph.D.



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      The Non-ADD/ADHD spouse has a lot on their plate every minute of every day. Have you ever been a manager at your job and you're paid well because of the time management you must provide, at the job you work 40+ hrs a week at? Well that is what it is like for the Non-ADD/ADHD spouse like myself. We are literally working from the time to awake to the time we fall asleep. But even then we get awoken because someone in the family needs us because they are sick and need your help. Life as the Non-ADD/ADHD spouse is working without getting paid.

      We ARE the hardest working people out there because our jobs NEVER end, no time for breaks, or days off, nope. And we do it proudly for our family and for our spouse.
      NO-ONE except another Non-ADD/ADHD spouse can ever truly understand what the real life of it is.  Evenif it looks like we are having me time, relaxing time.....we are NOT. Because even if we are in the shower alone, we have to do it all mentally so that we don't have chaos going on, or continuing in the home when we get out of the shower. No joke, us Non-ADD/ADHD partners are working around the clock by the minutes day in and day out.




      Let me share something here. Go HERE to read. 
      Interview with Melissa Orlov
      Q: What about the non-ADHD partner?
      What is helpful for the ADHD partner to
       understand about the experiences of his or her
      non-ADHD partner?

      The non-ADHD partner's experience is generally a progression from happy to confused to angry to hopeless. Non-ADD/ADHD partner might feel:
      • Lonely because her spouse is too distracted to pay any attention
      • Angry and emotionally blocked - anger at the untreated ADHD partner's inability to change their interactions or follow up on responsibilities can permeate many interactions.
         In an effort to control this, a non-ADHD partner may "bottle it up inside."
      • Stressed out - too many responsibilities, not enough help, and too much anger can make the relationship toxic for a non-ADHD partner
      • Exhausted, hopeless and sad - it can be a real struggle living with a person who is not managing his ADHD. After a while, the repetitive nature of how unmanaged ADHD symptoms show up in the relationship leads to feeling as if nothing will ever change.

      A: As with the ADHD spouse, the non-ADHD experience runs along a spectrum from mildly problematic to unmanageable. At the milder end of the spectrum is a spouse who finds herself surprised and unhappy that her ADHD husband isn't paying much attention to her. At the unmanageable end is the partner who feels completely overburdened by the responsibilities she has assumed because she thinks her spouse can't do them. She dislikes herself and her husband and is chronically angry and frustrated by her plight.





      BY: Interview with Melissa Orlov
      By Keath Low










      So ladies and gentlemen, if you're the partner of an ADD/ADHD spouse, we all understand each other and know how chaotic and dysfunctional it makes everyday life, and the home life. But remember who you married, remember why you married him/her. You married because of love and you wanted to spend the rest of your lives together. So whether you're the Non-ADD/ADHD spouse, or you're the ADD/ADHD spouse, you can't give up no matter what. Be a real man or woman, and make it work. As the Non-ADD/ADHD partner, trust me I understand that they are hard to live with and all. But for goodness sakes....that's your partner, love them, except them, and they should do the same for you too, but you both need to be doing it.


      mar·riage

      Dictionary result for marriage

      /ˈmerij/
      noun
      1. 1.
        the legally or formally recognized union of two people as partners in a personal relationship (historically and in some jurisdictions specifically a union between a man and a woman).
        "a happy marriage"
        synonyms:wedding, wedding ceremony, marriage ceremony, nuptials, union; More






        If one of you gives up, or one of you is an immature little kid and you ghost-out
        in any form of ghosting.. then you are only showing that your love was fake. &  last but not least you only used your partner.  You're adults in a marriage. Not teenagers in bf/gf relationship.


        The ADD/ADHD mind is confusing to the rest of the world... Yes we know.
        But treat each other as you'd like to be treated be them. So many ADD/ADHD marriages fail. Experts say that something like 2% survive. Wine this, don't lose this!


























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