For any man who's a husband, there’s a good chance you've upset your wife at some point.
For some of you, it was just this morning. And at some time, you may have heard, “I don’t feel like you love me,” or “We don’t do anything anymore,” or “You need to get your stuff together.”
Being a man does not come with a manual — and neither does being a good husband.
So what does it take to be a good husband, and in turn, have a happy marriage?
If you have maxed out a credit card or two and find yourself hiding the bills each month, you can bet it’s going to come back to bite you. Eventually, whether you’re applying for a home loan or simply talking about the costs of summer vacation, these kinds of money issues will either be brought to light by a credit report or by the simple fact you can’t afford a trip away. Although infidelity usually happens in bed, it also can happen with money. And it will be a tough road gaining back your spouse’s trust if you’ve lied about overspending.
Along that same vein, if you feel you aren’t connecting with your partner the way you used to, you need to say something — now. I’ve learned this lesson the hard way. I once let communication issues fester for months on end, failing to verbalize my displeasure, and my husband and I wound up in marriage counseling for nearly a year. It took a third party — and a real investment on our part — to get us back on track. If I had not kept telling myself that things would get better on their own, we might not have reached what I call the danger zone.
4. Take care of your appearance.
With many years and a few kids under your belt, it’s easy to let your appearance slide. Think about when you first met your partner. Would you have walked around in stained sweatpants and without brushing your teeth? My guess is no. I’m not saying you have to look like Julianne Moore every time you settle in for a night of TV. But I’ve seen too many couples transform from Cliff and Clair Huxtable into Dan and Roseanne Connor — with disastrous repercussions.
Sometimes my husband will say “wow, you look nice” as I’m walking out the door for a girls’ night out. At least pay your spouse the same courtesy you do your friends by fixing yourself up for him or her every once in awhile.
Even though such a hypothesis involves generalizations, there’s a lot of truth to the over-arching idea. It’s a theory that goes a long way towards explaining the desperate lengths and compromises made by women and men looking for both love and respect.
As All Pro Dads, it’s critically important that we approach the respect challenge with some careful thought. So, up front, let’s consider a couple of points: First, respect cannot be demanded. You will always be disappointed. Just like the coach who yells and intimidates, threats and coercion are always lose-lose. Respect is earned. Next, understand that fear and respect are not the same thing. Now that the preliminaries are out of the way, here are 7 ways to earn your wife’s respect.
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