Life for both the Non-ADHD spouse and the ADD/ADHD spouse is rough.
ADHD Ruins Marriages click HERE to read
The partner with ADHD always feels like they never have control of anything even if they control everything. Experts say this is caused because they have very little control over their ADD/ADHD behaviors and causes them to feel as if they have 0 control in life when this is not true. Non-ADHD spouses and those who live there have to bow to them in order to get peace and drama free.
Click HERE To Read Submitted by Beth Main on Fri, 04/03/2009 - 11:11
Here's a terrific article by Dr. Ari Tuckman, renowned author and ADHD specialist.
Talks about: People with ADHD often feel others are trying to control them. This includes family members, romantic partners, bosses, coworkers and friends. Why won't the ADD/ADHD partner just get off your back? Don't they have anything better to do?
Click HERE to read: HELP my spouse is a control freak.
It talks about:
Protect yourself if your controlling spouse is out of control.
Sometimes, the need for control goes beyond anxiety and deep caring, and crosses into the realm of abuse. The ultimate goal of abuse is to control your movements, your relationships, your resources, and your decisions. Common, controlling abuse tactics include:
- Isolating you from your close friend and family relationships
- Controlling your access to means of communication
- Restricting your access to money, food, or other resources
- Monitoring or restricting your movements
- Verbally and emotionally abusing you and/or your children, including making threats to your safety or well-being
- Dictating all decision-making, regardless of your needs or feelings
- Physically abusing you or your children in any way
Click HERE to read: When life gets crazy in ADHD families, the natural tendency for some of us is to jump in and “take charge” – before things get out of hand or the situation gets the best of us. This is a normal reaction, similar to putting your hands out to brace yourself when you are falling. The brain is calmed by an increased sense of control.
It talks about: If you liked this post and wish to reprint it, you may be our guest, as long as you use the article in its entirety and include this blurb: “This article originally appeared on ImpactADHD.com and is reproduced with permission.”
Adults who suffer ADD/ADHD have little control over the ADD/ADHD behaviors. This is why professionals suggest that ADHD coaches are very well useful as well to them being treated for it. This is why for the non-ADHD partner life is so full of dysfunctions and chaos and disorganization. We aren't married to who they are at their core, we are married to their
ADD/ADHD.
Click HERE to read.
It talks about: We now know that having a child or spouse with ADD/ADHD can cause, or at the least contribute to, a dysfunctional home. From: www.addrc.org
Living a chaotic and dysfunctional life, and home, is very over whelming for the Non-ADHD partner and others who have to live in and around it. Experts say, it creates: Stress, Desegregation, Resentments, Fears, Depressions, & more.. for those Non-ADHD spouse & family members.
Click HERE to read: Family dysfunction is more strongly associated with
ADHD.
Click HERE to read: 7 Ways to Conquer ADHD Clutter By: www.everydayhealth.com
It is about: ADD/ADHD Chaos and Clutter they bring not only into our lives, but our home too.
They talk about: The kitchen is a great place for someone with ADHD to get distracted, with potentially hazardous results. & "When adults with ADHD notice that their mind seems unfocused it can help to think of attention like a flashlight beam & bring that beam into focus on the task at hand," Massengill said.
Click HERE to read: ADHD - a life lived in chaos By: By Joan van Zyl and Danél Blaauw for You Pulse Magazine
It talks about:
• Do you struggle with relationships?
Because someone with ADHD is so impulsive you quickly lose your temper, don’t listen to others, blurt out responses and don’t communicate well, Collis says. It’s bad news for your personal relationships. People who are diagnosed with ADHD when they’re older often have a divorce or two behind them. They often end relationships impulsively or start affairs.
• Do you suffer from depression or anxiety?
Most adults with ADHD suffer from one or more additional conditions too, particularly anxiety and depression. Other conditions often associated with ADHD include bipolar disorder, sleeping disorders, obsessive-compulsive disorder and drug abuse. It’s no wonder then that doctors so easily misdiagnose adult ADHD. If you complain about depression your doctor is going to treat you for that and probably miss the underlying ADHD.
Do you become stressed out when multifunctioning is required?
Often people with ADHD function very well at work – until they are promoted. Then they fall apart because they can’t keep all the balls in the air. The same can happen with parents. A mother with ADHD can possibly handle her first child well but when the second arrives a breakdown threatens.
Click HERE to read: Dysfunctional Family: What It Is And What It’s Like To
Grow Up In One By: By Sarah Fader
It talks about:
Source: vimeo.com
Dysfunctional Family Characteristics
So, what is it like to live in a dysfunctional family? Dysfunctional family characteristics can begin to tell the story of life in such a family.
Communication Problems
Poor communication may be the single most telling characteristic of a dysfunctional family. While other problems may abound, they could all be managed better with healthy communication. In a dysfunctional family, people don't listen to each other. Rather than talking directly to someone they have a problem with, they go to other family members to be heard without taking what can feel like the monumental risk of dealing with the problem directly. They become bitter, passive-aggressive, and distrustful, all due to their inability to communicate directly with each other.
Addictions
Addictions can be a contributing factor to family dysfunction, but they can also happen as a response to the dysfunction in the family. People don't know how to deal with the tension of living in a family that doesn't meet their needs. As a result, they may turn to alcohol or drugs to feel better, if only for a moment.
Perfectionism
When a parent is a perfectionist, they put incredible pressure on the other parent and the children - not just to do their best, but to do the impossible. Perfectionism is not only unrealistic, but toxic to family life. It is a constant source of negative emotions for everyone involved. It wrings the playfulness out of young children and makes it harder for them to learn. Their self-esteem suffers, and they feel incompetent, worthless, and inadequate.
Lack of Empathy
It would be a mistake to be approving of everything your child does. However, in a healthy family, corrections are directed at changing behavior rather than making the child feel bad about themselves. In a healthy family, parents love their children unconditionally even if they don't like their behavior. In fact, it's this unconditional love that helps them work with the child constructively. When parents show empathy for a child's challenges, they teach the child to care for others as well as themselves.
Excessive Attempts to Control
Dysfunctional families are often characterized by a parent's excessive need to control the children and even the other parent. If they had a more relaxed and accepting attitude, they could encourage their children to be the best version of who they are rather than manipulating them to live their lives only to appease their parent.
Lack of Privacy and Independence
Parents in dysfunctional families tend to mistrust their children so much that they constantly invade their privacy. Certainly, there may be times when a parent needs to know what's going on with their child so that they can respond appropriately. However, parents in a functional family find out through honest communication rather than room-raids and harsh interrogations.
Children in a dysfunctional family aren't given the opportunity to be who they want to be. They aren't allowed to make their own decisions, develop preferences that are different from their parents', or have friends their parents don't enjoy. They're expected to be just like their parents in every respect rather than developing their unique personalities.
& more. Please checkout their page to read.
Click HERE to read: ADHD Communication Problems Hurting Your Marriage By: ADDitude
It talks about: Conversations that suddenly change direction frustrate our non-ADHD partners.
They dismiss what we’re saying if our talk is flighty, and it’s impossible to resolve an important issue if you introduce new issues before the original one has been resolved.
People with ADHD tend to defend themselves against real or imagined criticisms rather than responding to a complaint.
I really hope you're taking the time to also read all the links that are being provided whether you're the ADD/ADHD spouse or the Non-ADHD spouse. There is also a behavior that is in them that I have always called FLIP FLOP EFFECT, but experts refer to it as THE BOOMERANG EFFECT.
What is the BOOMERANG EFFECT: The Boomerang effect is described by physiatrists AS: Psychology situation in which a person who is presented with a persuasive message and then adopts the opposite stance as a result. They essentially boomerang to the other side which is where the name of this phenomenon comes from.
If you click here below, you also see another place where these both end up rolling into play not just by themselves but also together.
Click HERE to read. It talks about: Comprehensive ADHD care requires a broad view of the often subtle effects it has on life addressing its impact wherever it shows. One of the more commonly overlooked aspects of ADHD is its direct effect on communication.
That’s ADHD again? You Don’t Say! Listen Closely and Hear the Effects of ADHD on Communication, Speech and ADHD, Communication and ADHD, Pragmatics and ADHD, Actions Speak Louder Than Words, Talk the Talk. By: Mark Bertin, M.D.
Click HERE to read: ANGER IN ADD/ADHD ADULTS. By: Stacey Turis
It talks about:
Anger or rage are fairly common among individuals with attention deficit disorder (ADHD or ADD). For one thing, we ( ADD/ADHD Partners) feel things more intensely, so we react more intensely. Throw in some anxiety, a little depression, maybe some overwhelm, and you aren’t looking at someone that runs at the baseline of just chillin’. When we don’t have time to lock down our emotions, and the inevitable happens, the most important thing is to not waste time beating ourselves up...we have more urgent things to attend to.
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